Rest in Peace

To a few things.

To my amazing great grandfather, so energetic, sweet, fun and loving. I will miss him. Now who will call me "Cheaky?" and kiss my ears?

To my old way of living, where eating macoroni and cheese three times per week and napping instead of running were normal. Where I didn't give a hoot about sodium. Where I craved fast food and anything with butter and fat. Those thoughts are foreign to me now.

From now on, I am a healthy, happy person. I want to keep influencing people. If I had gone to El Paso, I would probably have had some Jillian slips meaning: I would have maybe cracked on the girls who were eating so badly. How can you watch people torture their bodies? It is hard.

I lost Paisley this weekend and was so depressed. So Brian and I made Mac n' Cheese. I had 1/2 a spoonful. I needed to indulge. It didn't help like I thought. Partly because I'd been crying so hard the whole night that my sinuses stopped me from tasting the food, and partly because I hated myself for each bite. I couldn't finish. I let Cap have mine. You must realize how huge this is for me, not to pig out on Mac n' Cheese out of depression. But don't worry, I got her back and we're about to go for a bike ride.

I went out to eat three times this week and I didn't gain an ounce. I was a diligent worker outer. I got so tired of waiting for Leah to get back with the program, that I bought heavier weights, my own body ball and my own yoga mat. Last night I worked out in front of the TV for a while and my arms are killing me because I did some of the moves Bowie showed us that work your chest and tris. Yikes. Later today we're going to run to and from the gym and while there, I'm participating in another man workout. Tomorrow Bowie is training us on legs, yessss! I want sexy legs so bad.

I feel like I'm starting over from the top now, a new top. And this time it's harder. I never want to weigh over 140 again. NEVER. And I wont. Unless I get preggers or something. But still you should only gain about 20ish lbs when carrying a baby, so no excuse. No babies now so I have NO reason to get fat again! I want my new bottom to be 125 lbs. Today I was at 137 again. My plateaus last for a week or so now. So maybe next week I'll hit 135, hopefully.

I like getting called little, skinny, small, tiny. Saturday night at work I got called "tiny," by the girls. It felt great. Bonny hadn't seen me in a while and when she came in her face looked shocked, jaw dropped and she said "Oh my God! Whitney!" I was worried, and said, "What? What is it?" Then she said, "You look like you've lost like 30 lbs," to which I replied, "I almost have." I was beaming. And like everyone does, she asked "How have you done it?" And like I always respond, I just told her I dieted and exercised. Again- it's not a secret. Weight loss is not a mystery it's just hard work. That hard work more than peys off when people are shocked and even concerned at how thin you have become in only a few short months of working hard.

And it's not like in those months I starved myself, gagged myself or over exerted myself. I didn't! I ate and ate and ate. And I worked out for about an hour- hour 1/2 per day! I didn't do anything drastic and I still saw changes. On the Jillian workout videos she always reminds us, "If it doesn't hurt, you're not working hard enough. And if you want to change fast, you have to really feel it." "It" being that burn that we look forward to now, right mom?

I'm proud of your sticking with it. Leah... you know what I'm thinking. Join us for a manly workout today? You'll LOVE it! And I miss you.

Good afternoon ladies. Report back tomorrow PLEASE!