The pain of self discipline

It is probably a little obvious but I did not blog for a few days because I was not proud of my diet behavior. No, I didn't totally kill everything I have been working on but I did fall into a hole on Saturday afternoon. I ate lunch at County Line. I had red meat with sauce on it, a few cheese bites, a bite of cobbler. Brian rolls his eyes when I say I feel guilty about Saturday's failures because I only had a bite of each item, but still! Before I would never have allowed myself those things.

I went grocery shopping Sunday and stocked back up on veggies, frozen dinners to bring to CL and gum to bring to CL so I wont eat there. If only I wasn't a waitress surrounded by delicious food all the time.

Today we had a good workout - Jillian video followed by about a 2 mile run in the neighborhood. I had bran with cinnamon and pecans for breakfast, some nuts for snack, a veggie and turkey wrap and 100 calorie pack of cookies for lunch with a glass of skim milk. I made the wraps with fat free cheese, fat free italian, yellow, green and red bellpepper, diced mushrooms and red onion. Leah and Brian loved them! So did I. I like to use the 100 calorie packs as side dishes with my yummy wraps.

Brian just finished complaining that he doesn't feel like working out today but he's been playing out our hypothetical break up in his head lately because I am a skinny girl now. haha. He thinks I'm going to get into such great shape and break up with him becuase I'd rather be with someone who cares and takes care of his body. Well to some extent it's true, I do want a man who cares about his body and who wants to be in shape and life a healhty lifestyle together, true. But I'm not so superficial it's worth breaking up over. Cute that he worries though. And good that he's serious about joining us in our healthy lifestyle. He told me when we went out Friday night that he doesn't even recognize me anymore because I've been replaced by a skinny girl. Good nick name. How is Dad doing? He told us he should get on the wagon but he's been sick lately. \

When we went out Friday night with miniature Marcie, I felt huge. She weighs about 15 lbs less than me and I'm at my lowest in almost a decade. So sad. I really really really want to be the one with the great body when I go out with people and I don't care who I'm out with. Unless it's Leah, then we can both be the ones with the great body. It sucks that I work work work and I stand next to Marcie in a skin tight leopard print dress for one night and I feel like I need to work all over again. Because I do. I need to pretend like I'm starting all over. Strict diet. No cheating. Tons of cardio. In the beginning of my weight loss I used to run for an hour on the treadmill, intervals and never stopping. So now I'm getting back into it. I'm keeping my journal religously and I'm going to be blogging a lot more. As if I'm back at 165 (only replace the 6 with a three haha) I'm starting from a new top.

Mom way to stick it out through your sickness. I'm so proud of your progress and you can bet I'll be there Sunday for a killer workout day at the track. Keep it up and I can't wait to see your dance moves.